sing it girlfriend

what happens when you don't have church until 2 o'clock

Do I really want to study advertising? I woke up this morning feeling very unsettled about my major. It's fun and everything, but will I really benefit from it throughout my life? Because chances are, I'm not going to work for a big ad agency for the rest of my life. I mean, I could graduate and get a great job in one of the five biggest cities in the U.S. (as most ad grads from byu do) and probably be very successful, but do I really want that? I don't know. I do know that I want to be a mother. And what good will knowing all about advertising techniques do me there? Even if I'm not a mother, do I really want to advertise as my life career? Wouldn't I rather work with people, helping someone somehow, making a difference in the lives and world around me? Is advertising the best way to do that? Right now, I don't think so. Right now, I don't think it even comes close.

I thought after my freshman year I was supposed to know what I wanted to become. All of my friends are well on their way to the rest of their lives. But I'm still here, content with almost every aspect of my life. I love my advertising class, but I don't know if I belong in it. It's funny, because in high school - a time where I often felt insecure and out of place - I still did just about every single thing I deep down wanted to do. I knew what I loved, so I did those things. I played the piano for the high school choir, I was editor of the school newspaper, I taught piano lessons, I was the ward organist, I played volleyball and softball and basketball whenever I could, and I was the best writer in my class. For those reasons, I loved my high school experience.

Now, I'm loving my university experience, but for other reasons. Every new day I feel like I am becoming who I'm supposed to be. I actually do feel the ways I am changing. Spiritually and socially, I can be myself here, which is something I can't necessarily say about other places (and there is no one to blame for this but myself. Still, it's the truth.) I make friends easily and find interest in everyone around me. Every person has so much to offer. I am exploring myself, and finding more than I thought I would.

I am happy. I just need some guidance. If I could combine the two very different feelings of accomplishment I've felt in both high school and university, I think I would be set. I just want to feel content with the education I'm pursuing. I want to know what I'm supposed to do for the rest of my life. I don't think que sera sera is going to cut it for much longer.

ah-NEE-sah

Today I decided to become a belly dancer and go by the name Aanisah. I met Marika today, and she told me all about Middle Eastern Dance. She wants me to join because she wishes she had started at my age. She is probably in her 50s or 60s now, but she can dance!

"Whenever I get afraid to go on stage, I just put Mary away and bring out Marika," she explained. I think Aanisah is exactly what I need!

What becomes of the broken hearted?

I just want to be dramatic for a second okay? I creeped some pretty heartbreaking engagement pictures today. ALL of my prospects at byu are just being snatched right up. Lesson learned: never go home for summer!!!

I'm joking of course.

ha. ha.

empty rooms that echo as I climb the stairs, and empty clothes that drape and fall on empty chairs

I found this little survey thing on Jessica and Chris' blog and thought it sounded fun. So here goes!

I am: a mountain. I am a tall tree. (it's a song.. I'm not actually speaking in metaphor)

I think: frequently about the spider in the bathroom that both my parents refused to kill today. Mean!

I have: to go to the bathroom. which brings up a major dilemma!

I dislike: how cold our basement is.

I miss: BYU.

I fear: that I get my hopes up too high.

I feel: pensive. I could write a song or something haha.

I hear: "Empty Chairs" by Don McLean in my left ear, the ticking of the wall clock in my right ear (only one earbud in)

I smell: pretty nice if I do say so myself!

I crave: life experiences that will inspire some great essays.

I cry: pretty often, but I'm becoming okay with that. Seriously, Relief Society gets me almost every time!

I usually: am a pretty social person. What is happening to me this summer?!

I search: for my cell phone about ten times a day.

I wonder: who Don McLean wrote this beautiful song about. She must've been something else!

I regret: some things.

I wish: that he would realize his potential, and run with it.

I love: a good soil.

I care: even when it's safer and easier not to.

I always: carry a little bottle of hairspray. I'm really shallow...

I worry: about my future. WHAT WILL I BE?

I am not: completely bummed that the charming man in my English class got engaged this summer. I'm totally happy about it actually :|

I remember: painting this cute picture that hangs on my wall. good times, good company :)

I believe: "in Christ as I believe the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." -C.S. Lewis (new favourite quote)

I sing: if I'm feelin' it.

I don't always: say much. Sometimes I like to just watch.

I write: because life is too good not to. Or because sometimes life is too bad not to. Life is just too everything, not to write about it.

I win: to ze basroom and feel much bettah.

I lose: staring contests every single time.

I listen: very poorly. Sometimes my mom will say like 5 sentences to me before I realize I need to be listening, at which point it's just my best guess as to what she might be talking about. I'm really sorry about this, Mom.

I don't understand: the art of flirting. I'm pretty sure I've done it before but it's nothing I have control over.

I can usually be found: in over-sized t-shirts and boxer shorts. Gotta love summer!

I need: this survey to be over.

I forget: every second of my life before this survey began.

I am happy: when I receive comments on my blog hint hint!

annie

Okay and I had to get Annie too! She looks just like this little pocket-pig I have. She squeals if you poke her. They call this her "feature" at the cyber-pet store, but from the sound of her squeal I don't think she likes it much! So you can just watch Annie, but probably don't poke her.

my new cyber-pet

As you may have noticed, a cute little fishy named Lewis swims on the side of my blog these days. I found him at the cyber-pet store and had to keep him! I want to write in (on?) my blog more often, so maybe he will keep me coming back! Because obviously he will need to be fed regularly. You can feed him too if you want, which you probably do. Just drag the little can to the top of his tank and click to let the food out. He is so cute!

Why "Lewis"? you might ask. Well, I don't really know, but it was one of the first names to come to mind and the only other Lewis I know is Lewis Stevens, who I'm still pretty much in love with, so I don't mind being reminded of him when I see Lewis the cyber-fish. Please don't bring another Lewis to my attention now because I am pretty happy with this name, even though I'm sure the Lewis's you know are really nice.

Also the orange clock is supposed to remind me and everyone to not waste too much time blogging. But I don't know if it will be very effective because it's almost impossible to decipher a time out of those no-number clocks. But it's cute and it's fun and maybe since it's a fruit, it will remind me to eat healthy. And feed Lewis! Two important things.

So welcome welcome to Lewis.